I’ve been having a really bad week. Lots of things thrown at me at once. Thankfully, by Thursday at 5 p.m. I should be more or less free. But migraines and hard work and hurt feelings and ridiculousness with my mental health just kinda was a time suck for me this past week.

But Thursday at 5, no more. I will take that night to myself, to make my battle plan. And then I will rock on. And hopefully make some fresh bread.


So yeah, the SOPA Black Out was on Wednesday, and I have only just now gotten around to taking it down. My bad. I kind of had one of the worst weeks of my life last week, so uh, sorry about that. Accordingly, not only did nothing remotely bloggy get done, but my resolutions were cast aside, as was my homework… and hygiene… and sanity… What? It’s not like those things seem very important when you’re a seething ball of anger and self-loathing for reasons I do not plan to disclose here, thank you for asking, but everything is all good now, I think. As good as it can be, I suppose. Only time will tell for sure.

On the bright side, I made bread today, to go with some buffalo chicken dip I made for the game today. My team lost (WHY, RAVENS, WHY), but at least I had delicious food. So I guess all was not lost when it comes to resolutions! Hurrah!

This week I am really going to have to kick butt to get back on track with my reading. I really wasn’t in any state to do it this week, so now I am going to have to pay for that. But, I am feeling very focused and energized after a weekend of recuperating from said crappy week, and I really think I will be able to handle it. It also helps that I went to my doctor on Wednesday to discuss changing the dosage on my meds, slash changing to a different medication altogether. I also ordered a light therapy lamp; I have friends who swear by them, and the lack of energy I have around 3 p.m. every day is staggering, to the point I cannot keep my eyes open. It should be here Tuesday, and I really think it’ll help.

Other than that, I am just gonna hop back on the bandwagon. I am printing out my new sticker chart for this week, and hopefully this week will be better than last.

Another more or less unproductive weekend…

I really need to get better with my time management skills. I don’t know what happened to me, but I have started to fall prey to the “Oh, I can do it later…” mentality. Instead, I check Facebook or my e-mail or surf Amazon, I plan out how I need to spend my time (but never actually follow the plan), I take naps or do other, not-as-important things, like clean. Although, I really do need to clean the apartment and do some grocery shopping. The bathroom is getting kinda gross, and in the division of household chores, the bathroom is all mine to take care of. But honestly, that could have been done, too, if I had done my reading according to plan. Instead, I will now have to cram a lot into tomorrow to get back on schedule. I really don’t like that I do this to myself. The few days of screwing around doing nothing just aren’t worth it.

In addition to this, I really do need to do something about my health. I don’t mean my weight or how I look — that is all just fine. I mean how I feel. I don’t eat right, bottom line, I consume more caffeine from Dr Pepper than I ought, I don’t exercise, and I feel like crap for it. Also, I don’t properly keep up with my hygiene. I mean, I shower regularly and brush my teeth, but as far as those “extra” things, like washing my face every morning and evening, or putting on lotion to fight the chronic winter itch, or putting product in my hair to keep the length healthy… I just don’t do it. Instead, I screw around online.

The Internet really is my biggest distraction. It’s what I go to for escape. A lot of it is that my friends are here. I don’t have friends where I live, because I just moved here for my doc program, and by virtue of being here for a doc program, I don’t exactly have time to go and find friends. There are people in my cohort, but we don’t really connect beyond that work colleague level. At least, they don’t connect with me that way; I can’t speak of their relationships with each other.

I just have to prioritize. On the bright side, I did manage to “clock in” my two hours with my boyfriend. I didn’t do any fun reading this weekend (except for the whole Facebook crap). I didn’t bake any bread, either. Ugh. PRIORITIES. I need to find them.

Maybe I will do better this week. We’ll see.

Oh, graduate school.

I started this blog in the middle of a rather busy time for me, the beginning of the semester. Today I had an in-class examination on the theories we’ve covered in the past two weeks’ readings, which totaled up to more than 1,000 pages… just for that class. I also had reading for two other seminars, never mind the 10 hours I have to devote to my assistantship every week (I’m a research assistant)… and the fact I have a house to maintain, a cat to take care of, and a boyfriend who is not a roommate, but bless him, he has allowed me to treat him like one the past 12 days.

Things have smoothed out a bit now that today’s over… the problem with doctoral level exams is that they’re far from straight forward, and you really don’t know what to expect upon entering them. And, they’re almost always essays, and that is the rule for any major seminars (major meaning those taught in your department, not major as in Big Deal… though I guess they are that, as well). Today’s essay was more or less, “Write as many pages as you can discussing the two main perspectives and their theories we’ve learned about, then pick and three theories and apply them.” It’s closed notes, so you have to remember all the citations on your own (about 15 this week, I believe, which is honestly cake), and you get one hour; I got about five pages done in that time. I would like to think I did well, but honestly, I will not be sure until I get the comments back from my professor. You honestly never know what to expect.

This is a “lighter” week for me; I’m to about 500 pages of reading to do this week, as opposed to 700. Honestly, I would really like to go back over the previous two weeks, because it’s all material I need to know for my comprehensive exams next summer, but for now I am just trying to keep up. ANYWAY. All of that is a long explanation as to why one starts a blog and then does… nothing with it.

Eventually I might consider writing the About page, but that takes things like time and effort, and I don’t have much of either to spare. Besides, it gets rather dull talking about yourself when your life feels like the movie Groundhog Day. I don’t know what to tell y’all other than that I have a cat to feed, an apartment to clean, and a never-ending pile of reading. Congratulations, you now know my whole life! Who needs an About page?

Since the week is sort of coming to a close, I don’t think it’s a horrible time to write about resolutions. Boyfriend and I managed to spend an hour together playing Lego Batman on the XBox earlier this week, and Saturday evening we’re going to the movies, so we will more than meet our “quota.” It sounds really ridiculous to schedule time to hang out with your significant other, but last semester, I really just allowed my relationship to fall to the wayside in favor of my schoolwork. Which, my boyfriend was more than understanding, but just because I KNOW he will always be there does not mean I should stop nurturing our relationship. I am hoping I will turn this scheduling into a habit, such that spending time together becomes more natural than it feels right now.

I haven’t read anything non-school related, but I think I can be pardoned, given that I’ve had over 1,000 pages of academic reading to deal with. It’s just way different from “regular” reading. The concepts are heavier, the language is more dense, and there’s more to it than just reading the information and retaining it. I also have to think as I read: how could I apply this to my research interests, how does this fit in with my current knowledge of theory, are there any gaps, is it at odds with anything else I’ve learned about, on and on. Never mind that reading also involves making a detailed outline and summary; of course, those things aren’t strictly necessary for class, but they will be helpful to have when I get to comps and have to study all the material I learned. Anyway, I can get about 20-30 pages read with notes taken every hour. Meanwhile, I can read 100 pages of a “regular” book for pleasure in that same amount of time. You can do the math to determine how much time my academic reading has taken away from me. Then factor in the 9 hours of class and the 10 hours for my research assistantship… and well, you get the picture.

I have made no efforts toward the bread-baking, for the same reasons stated above. I do think I will do the reading I mentioned above this week from my Bread Bible (a Christmas present from my boyfriend) so I can learn more about the science of bread baking. I don’t know if I will actually get around to baking any — though I might make one of the breads I am more familiar with, I think my boyfriend misses the regular loaves of bread of last semester. At the very least, I will kill two birds with one stone by reading the Bread Bible: my efforts toward learning how to bake more bread, and my goal to read something not about organizations.

My other resolution was about shaving my legs. I have things to say about this as a feminist that I will discuss in another post, but just to keep you apprised of the situation, I have not shaved once in 2012. I do think I will tonight, though, because I actually have the energy to do more than put shampoo on my head and rinse. Shoot, I might even put on lotion! God, I am so fancy.

… I just read over this post, and it is so weird. I’m writing like I’m talking to someone. But I know nobody is listening.