Silence

I’ve been having a really bad week. Lots of things thrown at me at once. Thankfully, by Thursday at 5 p.m. I should be more or less free. But migraines and hard work and hurt feelings and ridiculousness with my mental health just kinda was a time suck for me this past week.

But Thursday at 5, no more. I will take that night to myself, to make my battle plan. And then I will rock on. And hopefully make some fresh bread.

Time management and sleep

I really need to figure out what is wrong with me regarding my sleeping schedule. There is no reason for someone who sleeps as much as I do to feel as tired as I do. I am so annoyed, because I have so much to do, but I can’t keep my eyes open. My light therapy lamp will be here tomorrow (!!); hopefully it will alleviate some of this.

Because of my recurring urge to nap (an my horrible, no good, very bad week last week) I have not been very productive. I did not do much today either. Actually I didn’t do anything. I am kinda mad at myself for it, but I just have to let it go and wake up in the morning and do better. And drink a strong cup of coffee. And stop being distracted by Facebook. I have a program that will block websites from my computer, but I can still access them on my iPhone and iPad. I wish there was an app that would block me out on those devices!

My boyfriend made me feel kind of shitty because I didn’t spend time with him last week (I guess watching football together doesn’t count?). He didn’t seem to care that it was a really shitty week for me. I guess he doesn’t believe in mitigating circumstances. My feelings were pretty hurt at his lack of understanding. I mean, I know I said I would resolve to do it, but sometimes things get in the way. He has a way of pointing out my failures that makes me uncomfortable and kinda sad. I know he appreciates the good things I do, but he never really praises me for them. It is always “You didn’t put your dishes in the dishwasher,” and never “Hey, thanks for cleaning the bathroom today.” I suppose I should communicate that to him, though, huh? Can’t do better if he doesn’t know how he makes me feel.

And stuff like that is what this blog is for. Working through my feelings so I can take sensible action.

Whoops?

So yeah, the SOPA Black Out was on Wednesday, and I have only just now gotten around to taking it down. My bad. I kind of had one of the worst weeks of my life last week, so uh, sorry about that. Accordingly, not only did nothing remotely bloggy get done, but my resolutions were cast aside, as was my homework… and hygiene… and sanity… What? It’s not like those things seem very important when you’re a seething ball of anger and self-loathing for reasons I do not plan to disclose here, thank you for asking, but everything is all good now, I think. As good as it can be, I suppose. Only time will tell for sure.

On the bright side, I made bread today, to go with some buffalo chicken dip I made for the game today. My team lost (WHY, RAVENS, WHY), but at least I had delicious food. So I guess all was not lost when it comes to resolutions! Hurrah!

This week I am really going to have to kick butt to get back on track with my reading. I really wasn’t in any state to do it this week, so now I am going to have to pay for that. But, I am feeling very focused and energized after a weekend of recuperating from said crappy week, and I really think I will be able to handle it. It also helps that I went to my doctor on Wednesday to discuss changing the dosage on my meds, slash changing to a different medication altogether. I also ordered a light therapy lamp; I have friends who swear by them, and the lack of energy I have around 3 p.m. every day is staggering, to the point I cannot keep my eyes open. It should be here Tuesday, and I really think it’ll help.

Other than that, I am just gonna hop back on the bandwagon. I am printing out my new sticker chart for this week, and hopefully this week will be better than last.